Describing the Perfect Rabbi

As I take on the new important task of blogging to reach a wider audience, with the humour of Purim still in mind, I can’t help but expand on an old internet meme that claims to have surveyed people in what makes for the perfect Rabbi. I believe were such a survey to exist nowadays, it might just reveal the following:

·        the perfect Rabbi’s sermons are full of concepts so complex that they dazzle the entire community and are simultaneously so simple that anyone can access them

·        the perfect Rabbi condemns sin but at same time never upsets anyone

·        the perfect Rabbi works from 8am until midnight and also helps raise the archetypal Jewish family

·        the perfect Rabbi makes £500pw, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car and gives about £500pw to the poor and needy

·        the perfect Rabbi is 28 years old and has preached 30 for years

·        the perfect Rabbi has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all of their time with senior citizens

·        the perfect Rabbi smiles all the time but with a straight face because they have a sense of humour that keeps them seriously dedicated to their work

·        the perfect Rabbi makes 15 visits daily to congregation families and the hospitalised but is always in their office when needed

·        the perfect Rabbi devotes much time to bringing in new members and simultaneously spends all their time looking after the current synagogue membership

·        the perfect Rabbi wants to work for the total improvement of society but should  never get involved in political matters

·        the perfect Rabbi demonstrates sustainable living and also travels as far as possible for the benefit of the community

·        the perfect Rabbi communicates through the most modern media while always critiquing the trappings of modern society

·        the perfect Rabbi has a healthy social and personal life and is also available for synagogue members 24/7.

 Simple, really!